A friend asks: "Humane ways to get rid of rats? (I won't use…

A friend asks:

"Humane ways to get rid of rats? (I won't use poison.)"

My answer:

Buy black tar heroin, mix it with peanut butter, and use it to bait a bucket trap. The rats will eat the heroin, fall into the bucket, and die in a state of bliss. They won't eat each other (the downside of most bucket traps), and they won't be eaten by other animals (birds and cats).