"This is CNN reporting to you live from Earth, where 102,282 innocent people were killed yesterday, exceeding the death toll from the Hiroshima nuclear attack by a wide margin.
To those of you who lost a loved one in the attacks - our hearts go out to you.
Responsibility was claimed just a few hours ago by the terrorist organization calling itself "Aging". Aging promises a similar massacre tomorrow, and every day thereafter. Analysts agree: "Aging will not stop until all of humanity is dead."
In a recent statement, representatives from every industrialized nation on Earth assured the human race that they will do little to stop future attacks: "Death gives our lives meaning." was the most common response. Religious leaders urged complacency. "It's God's will." Paul Ehrlich of Stanford University commented "Good. The earth is too populated already."
Anti-Aging forces have mounted some defenses, but they are ill-funded, and even their most optimistic fighters agree that Aging's daily massacres will continue for the foreseeable future."
-- Adapted from Brienne Yudkowsky
To those of you who lost a loved one in the attacks - our hearts go out to you.
Responsibility was claimed just a few hours ago by the terrorist organization calling itself "Aging". Aging promises a similar massacre tomorrow, and every day thereafter. Analysts agree: "Aging will not stop until all of humanity is dead."
In a recent statement, representatives from every industrialized nation on Earth assured the human race that they will do little to stop future attacks: "Death gives our lives meaning." was the most common response. Religious leaders urged complacency. "It's God's will." Paul Ehrlich of Stanford University commented "Good. The earth is too populated already."
Anti-Aging forces have mounted some defenses, but they are ill-funded, and even their most optimistic fighters agree that Aging's daily massacres will continue for the foreseeable future."
-- Adapted from Brienne Yudkowsky